Farting around on FamilySearch with that whole “where are you from” percentage breakdown. Fascinating stuff. (I did not know that I am 14% Danish.)
However the real gem is this tidbit about my 6x great grandfather, Godfrey Isaacs, who apparently was an unstoppable killing machine in the fight for FREEDOM, charged by George Washington himself to study the arcane arts and hunt down supernatural Royalist infiltration demons in Appalachia.
His charge? Maintain an ongoing network of clandestine operations against the forces of darkness, forces that would nip this nascent nation’s bud and cast it into the flames of tyranny. Nothing is off the table. Holy water. Liberty grenades. Pepperbox artillery of independence. Whatever. Just get the job done, soldier.
Washington told him to fake his own death if he had to. Grandpa Godfrey would play this card in 1787. He did go underground…but not in the way that the King’s demons would believe. He became a ghost, a shadow, a whisper in the backwoods. The creak under your floorboards? That was just him keeping you safe.
Potions were involved, we know that much. And portals. Always the portals. There were silver pistols and obsidian blades. His legend grew as fast as his body count. Soon the things that went bump in the night were looking under their beds for Grandpa Godfrey, the Winchester Wraith. The Brits distracted him in the War of 1812, but even though they burned D.C., he saved us from an even greater threat elsewhere, and we’ll never know it.
He only ever made one mistake, one tiny slip-up: in 1820, while on assignment in Kentucky, had to use an alias on an official document at the Post Office. Legend has it that while he was signing, his granddaughter walked outside the building, and she was the spitting image of his late wife. Distracted, Godfrey signed with his real name, and never noticed.
An enterprising genealogist found a copy of this document and uploaded it to FamilySearch. This is the only hardcore piece of evidence we have that he’s still out there, polishing his guns, sharpening his knives, and getting ready to bump back in the night…